The Truth of Feeling Unworthy

When I first arrived at reflecting on describing back to the earliest time, I felt unworthy.

There were no full memories coming to me.

I went on with the rest of my day and had coffee with a close friend. When sharing with her my confusion or lack of memory, I further shared with her the memories of what was a recent experience.

The stories associated with reaching towards transformative change and growth for me stemmed from

a place of feeling unworthy of anything else.

She asked, "What kept you in a position of survival for so long?" And after sharing more of the stories, she intervened with, "That makes sense, and I hear you, but I am wondering what kept you there.

What kept you complacent in survival mode?"

And the core reached the fear of being unworthy. The feeling of my core survival instinct was the fear of being unworthy. And as that truth was addressed, I shared with her the feeling of release admitting to this core fear.

I was truly scared to step out of my comfort zone and scared to truly change because I felt unworthy of the change.

As I reflected back towards the earliest time of feeling unworthy, it was a trend. And the possibility that I was born feeling unworthy. If and only if, my mother felt unworthy in her life while being pregnant, and as I grew, I chemically, possibly neurologically, developed to feel unworthy. This doesn't mean I have the justification to blame anyone or anything. This is simply understanding the root of this core feeling. Because if I can identify the root, I can rewrite the lies I believed in my life about worth.

It may be so easy to blame others or blame my environment, but truthfully, I choose whether to believe what I believe. Regardless of where my root comes from, it is a truth I choose to believe in or not believe.

I choose curiosity and creativity.

It could be that my mother felt, upon knowing and throughout carrying me, the false lie that she is unloved. And as I arrived, I took on that identity. I also consider who she had while having me. Who was there to support or combat the feeling of unworthy?

We all have the freedom to choose what we believe from what we have, but if what we are provided does not support ourselves, how do we develop motivation to motivate ourselves? As we consider this possibility, so to speak, we welcome potential options and develop a clarifying understanding.

Regardless, I choose that I am worthy, and so are those around me. And what better way to develop a new possibility.