Life Be Lif-ing: My Saturn Return Journey

Welcome to my story. This will be a multiple-part series of my Saturn Return Journey because the events and experiences of my Saturn return are too incredible to fit into one post. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Setting the Tone for My Saturn Return

I am undergoing significant changes, and I feel compelled to share them honestly and authentically. This past year has been a whirlwind of experiences, including enduring a toxic work environment, professional trauma, unemployment, battling depression and anxiety, going through a divorce, sexuality/identity, and learning to live on my own.

Where Do I Start?

Let's start with my nature of working to please others, even when my efforts were taken for granted. As someone once said, “Oftentimes jobs are only there to teach us and provide the context for our future aspirations.”

I grew up in a traumatic household where work was equated with worth and value, and fear was used to enforce perfection. I was used to fit the world of my abuser. As I got older, work and school became my escape. Although, I wasn't great at school, I prided myself on being everything for everyone else, neglecting myself in the process.

The Saturn return signifies the start of new life phases for me, and I am at the age of experiencing this evolving phase. It involves releasing what no longer serves me. This journey has led me to find myself and, ultimately, to find solitude.

Finding Solitude and Self-Discovery

I have never been afraid of living on my own. In fact, I find deep solitude in it. While societal norms or childhood teachings may view this negatively, we all have our own journeys and ways of finding solitude.

Getting to this place of solitude was not easy. It involved significant growth and clarity in becoming my authentic self. With gain comes loss. The more I tried to control what was happening, the more I betrayed and resented myself. But as I took proactive steps to relinquish control and be honest with myself, I found myself starting to trust myself again. Fast forward to today, and I have learned to trust in myself once more.